


Strong Women Cry

by Anxiouslykitty



Series: Strong Women Cry [1]
Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Protection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiouslykitty/pseuds/Anxiouslykitty
Summary: Chrisjen isn't always the ass kicking politician
Relationships: Chrisjen Avasarala/Bobbie Draper
Series: Strong Women Cry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967755
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Strong Women Cry

Bobbie was with Alex looking at navigation when Naomi gasped. Bobbie turned to see what Naomi was doing and saw the news feed on the screen. They were showing the location of a missile strike on Earth. 

"Oh my god" Naomi exclaimed. 

Bobbie watched the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen. Rogue Martian missile strikes Earth. Estimated 2 million dead. Bobbie couldn't believe it. There had to be more to the story. As much as she had once hoped to conquer Earth for Mars she now felt differently. 2 million people...2 million innocent people dead. 

"Where's Avasarala" Bobbie asked.

Alex turned his attention from the screen to Bobbie. 

"I think she's in your quarters" Alex answered. 

Bobbie thought to take off running, but chose to just walk as normally as possible. Something was telling her she needed to check on Avasarala. She knew logically she was unharmed, but she had a gut feeling the Deputy Undersecretary needed her.

When Bobbie got to their quarters she went straight in. Chrisjen Avasarala the ever put together strong titan of Earth was slumped down in one of the chairs at the small table in their room. Bobbie stopped just inside the door to take in the scene. Chrisjen was covering her face with her hands as she slumped forward in the chair. The view screen on the wall in front of her played the same news Bobbie had seen. No sound came from the crumpled women but Bobbie knew instantly she was crying. She felt suddenly uncomfortable like she wasn't prepared to handle this. 

Bobbie thought Chrisjen must have heard the door open and close, but she didn't move. Bobbie waited a minute longer and when Chrisjen still didn't move she began to worry something was really wrong. She took the few short strides to Chrisjen and put her hand gently on Chrisjen's shoulder. Chrisjen jumped a little in her seat and dropped her hands from her face looking up at Bobbie. 

"Fuck" Chrisjen rasped. 

Bobbie was taken aback by how small Chrisjen looked. In the time Bobbie had known her she seemed larger than life. Now sitting there with a tear stained face and puffy eyes she looked weak. Chrisjen scrambled to wipe the tears from her face, but they kept falling as fast as she could wipe them away. 

"Damn it" Chrisjen exclaimed. 

Bobbie took a step back to give Chrisjen a little space, but she watched her intently. It was curious to see this strong woman like this. It almost made her feel more loyal to Chrisjen because she knew now how vulnerable she really was. It had scared her when she'd almost killed Chrisjen on the Razorback, but this was different. Chrisjen had been strong and steady the whole time on the Razor now she was broken. She couldn't imagine the weight Chrisjen must carry around all the time. She didn't know how someone could carry that much and not break. 

"Ever since you tried to kill me in that damn ship I can't seem to keep my fucking emotions in check" Chrisjen grumbled. 

Bobbie was glad to see Chrisjen's cursing hadn't been hampered by this spring of emotions. Chrisjen looked up and gave Bobbie a weak smile. That's when Bobbie's brain finally started to connect everything she was seeing. Chrisjen was still crying and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. Her chin was trembling and her eyes were darting back and forth trying to stay focused on Bobbie. 

"Ma'm are you okay" Bobbie asked. 

Chrisjen furrowed her brow like she wanted to say something but couldn't figure out how. She lifted her hand and placed on her chest as if trying to stop her breathing. 

"Ma'm you need to try and calm down" Bobbie instructed. "Take slow deep breaths."

"I'm trying" Chrisjen choked. 

"Alright I'm going to get meds from the infirmary" Bobbie announced. "Just hold on."

Bobbie turned to run and felt long cold fingers grib her arm digging into the skin. Bobbie looked back at Chrisjen whose eyes were wide but focused right on her. Bobbie realized she didn't want her to leave. Whether it was from fear of being alone or not wanting anyone else to know she was having a breakdown Bobbie didn't know. All she knew was she wasn't going anywhere. 

It was starting to feel unnerving to see Chrisjen like this. So out of control of her own body. Bobbie put her hand over Chrisjen's that was clawing into her arm and gently pulled it off. She kept the hand closed in her own and knelt down in front of Chrisjen. Even kneeling she was eye to eye with Chrisjen. She grabbed Chrisjen's other hand and brought the two hands together in her grip. 

"This happened to me after my team was killed," Bobbie explained gently. "I know how scary it can feel. Just try to copy my breathing. Focus only on me." 

Bobbie locked eyes with Chrisjen and took slow deep deliberate breaths. With each inhale and exhale she gently squeezed Chrisjen's hands in hers. Slowly Chrisjen began to copy Bobbie's breathing. The tears slowed and her body began to relax. Bobbie kept going until Chrisjen's breaths were deep and slow and calm. 

Gently Bobbie released Chrisjen's hands and set them back on her lap. Then she did something that even shocked her. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Chrisjen and brought their bodies close together in a hug. For a few seconds Chrisjen didn't reciprocate but then her hands reached around and gripped tightly to Bobbie's suit. Chrisjen’s tears soaked through Bobbie’s suit and she tightened her grip a little.

"If anyone can get through this it will be you" Bobbie encouraged. "You just have to stay strong."

For the first time since she met Chrisjen Bobbie got no response; not even a joke or curse. She decided then that she wouldn't let go until Chrisjen did. So the two women stayed there. Bobbie kneeling and Chrisjen sitting forward in a chair holding each other. After what felt like forever Chrisjen loosened her grip but didn't pull away. 

"So many lives" Chrisjen whispered into Bobbie's chest. 

"The missile shouldn't have been launched. I don't know what happened" Bobbie replied. 

Chrisjen finally pulled slowly out of the embrace and sat back in the chair. She smiled at Bobbie and wiped her face.

"I probably look like shit" Chrisjen quipped.

Bobbie smiled and stood up. "I don't think you know how not to look glamorous" Bobbie replied.

That earned Bobbie a loud laugh from Chrisjen which made her feel better. At least Chrisjen seemed to be back to herself again. Bobbie could still see the hurt in Chrisjen's eyes, but there was nothing she could do to take that away. Though she was shocked at the desire she had to take away Chrisjen's pain for her. 

"You better not tell everyone I'm just an addled old woman now" Chrisjen scolded. 

Bobbie grabbed one of the other chairs and pulled it out over in front of Chrisjen and sat down facing her.

"I wasn't just saying it to make you feel better" Bobbie began. "When my team was killed I was upset. I was beyond upset. I broke down a bunch of times. I even had panic attacks, like what you just had. It doesn't make you weak. You're a strong person who has to carry the weight of multiple worlds on your shoulders. It's okay to let go sometimes." 

When Bobbie stopped her speech she was surprised she had said all those things. She wasn’t normally the type to be overly emotional or to be the one who comforts people. She was a marine. She fought and killed for a living. Something about Chrisjen made Bobbie want to be more than that. 

Chrisjen gently reached a hand up and placed it on Bobbie’s cheek. Chrisjen gave a weak smile and pulled her hand back. Bobbie looked at her shocked at the silence and gentleness of Chrisjen’s action. She couldn’t remember a time anyone else had ever touched her with so much affection.

“Who would have ever thought I would be out in space being comforted by a Martian marine” Chrisjen joked.

Bobbie smiled and shook her head. She released Chrisjen’s hand and got up from her chair. She walked over to the door to return to the rest of the crew.

“Bobbie” Chrisjen called.

“You don’t have to worry. I won’t tell anybody that you’re human” Bobbie comforted jokingly.

Chrisjen snorted and then turned serious.

“Thank You Bobbie...for everything” Chrisjen said plainly.

Bobbie left without a second look. She didn’t want to watch Chrisjen pull herself back together into the normally cool and collected leader that she was. Bobbie wanted to think of the Chrisjen in there now and the one who fights for Earth as two separate people. She respects the Chrisjen who is Deputy Undersecretary, but the Chrisjen who was in that room makes Bobbie want to care.


End file.
